


The Fucking Hollow Hole Fic 3D: The Unholy Climax

by quarter_life_crisis



Series: The Fucking Hollow Hole Verse [3]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Complete, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, grimmjow is nel’s gay baby brother, grimmjow out here havin real emotional issues, hello im in love with nelliel and it shows, i tried writing reiatsu play ahaha so weird, ichigo making it all about his fucking hole kink, improper usage of hollow holes, its a trilogy bitchh, its maybe not what you think, nel living her best centaur life, sexual content obviously, the spider hollow is the dumbest bit ever written, wrong hole x1000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:00:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22120699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quarter_life_crisis/pseuds/quarter_life_crisis
Summary: Something... aligned. Something unholy.
Relationships: Grimmjow Jaegerjaques/Kurosaki Ichigo
Series: The Fucking Hollow Hole Verse [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1570357
Comments: 40
Kudos: 251





	1. buckle up guys we’re at it again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichigo was starting to believe that that prank text had been cursed somehow, had altered his fate towards the absurd and inappropriate in a way that frankly seemed unnatural even after the shit he’d seen. Sometimes he wondered exactly which entity he’d pissed off to deserve this - he had a lot of them to choose from - but knowing probably wouldn’t have made a difference. It seemed inevitable at this point, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer i NEVER intended on writing a chaptered fic but life is rly hectic rn (we’re moving countries) BUT i wanted to put SOMETHING out so heres a spicy cliffhanger for all the weird masochists still reading this series
> 
> EDIT: FEAST ~~OR SCAR~~ YOUR EYES for this trashheap now has a GLORIOUS banner courtesy of Wulvercazz !!! [ uncensored version here 🍆⚫️ ](https://mobile.twitter.com/WulverC/status/1258197556280078348) 👀

[](https://ibb.co/D7jd14W)

Turns out they weren’t gonna be okay. Ichigo was starting to believe that that prank text had been cursed somehow, had altered his fate towards the absurd and inappropriate in a way that frankly seemed unnatural even after the shit he’d seen. Sometimes he wondered exactly which entity he’d pissed off to deserve this - he had a lot of them to choose from - but knowing probably wouldn’t have made a difference. It seemed inevitable at this point, really. 

In an almost poetic fashion, it happened when they were sparring at Urahara’s, just as they _should_ have been the day it all started. They’d been at it for nearly half a day, Grimmjow having released his form about halfway through and Ichigo having followed him with bankai. Thank god that bunker was built to take a beating. Ichigo was so grateful that the fighting hadn’t changed after they’d started fucking on the side - it just didn’t get any more cathartic than this, Grimmjow bleeding out the prosaic dullness of everyday life out of him. Ichigo felt dispropertionately happy that Grimmjow still appeared to need it just as much as he did, that he hadn’t found anything else to pass the time with after the world had seemingly dumped them both equally hard when fighters stopped being in high demand. 

He couldn’t really pinpoint why that day had started going in a different direction. Maybe Grimmjow was being more of a cocky shit than usual or maybe he just had some unrelated frustrations to channel through the healthy medium of stabbing. Whatever it was, Ichigo decided to up the ante and don his hollow mask for the first time in ages, definitely for the first time since he and Grimmjow had started doing the dirty. For a long time, he hadn’t really seen the point when he could only hold that form for a handful of minutes anyway, but something about the way the arrancar’s resurrección could be so lethal while looking so dumb - it just made him want to go the extra mile to punch his face in. Ichigo would gladly be the first to say it: Between the headband and the fluffy ears, Grimmjow’s released form looked fucking _silly_. Even if he was kind of kicking his ass. 

So Ichigo raised his bare hand and felt time slow down as he clawed down his own face, feeling the reiryoku change shape already on the way from his chest, through his arm to his tingling fingertips, darkening, becoming somehow grittier and sticky like tar. He felt cloying energy flow over his face like liquid bone-white asphalt, felt the stuff dry and settle in an instant, felt its heat all the way down in his throat where he knew it would make his voice all fucked and warbling if he tried to speak. The burning sensation in his eyes told him they were now black as night and glowing with gold. It would never become comfortable to him. But the fucking _rush_ of pure power would never cease to amaze him. 

The immediate look of interest on Grimmjow’s face was now as familiar as the back of his own hand, although he couldn’t recall ever seeing it in this setting. Ichigo felt his own body respond automatically, but his mind was free to wonder if the guy had always reacted that way to his hollowfied form, and Ichigo had just never noticed before he stayed playing with his _other sword_ , so to speak. It didn’t seem impossible. Before he had time to finish the thought, however, a movement of Grimmjow’s head brought him back to the moment. The arrancar was baring his neck. The move was clearly instinctive - hell, maybe even subconscious. Oh. Ichigo knew what _that_ meant. 

He crossed the distance between them in a flash. Within arm’s reach, he could clearly see how the piercing blue irises had disappeared almost entirely as Grimmjow’s pupils expanded. It should have looked dumb, especially with the fluffy ears, but Ichigo was fascinated. The sharp canines of his resurrección bit into his lower lip, as Grimmjow felt the thick reiatsu leak out of Ichigo up close, now more similar to his own.

Suddenly Ichigo remembered his father’s mortifying comment about reiatsu play, on the strange night of Grimmjow’s "rescue attempt" after Kon’s ridiculous plan. Ichigo gave a mental shrug. Why not? They’d still never tried that. He gradually brought down his spiritual pressure, black and heavy with energy from the brittle mask on his face. Grimmjow gasped, his eyes sliding half-shut and his head tilting back further - until he caught himself with a snarl, his own reiatsu flaring out tempestuously, fighting back on autopilot. 

Well that wouldn’t do. Ichigo had seen a look in Grimmjow’s eyes, couldn’t unsee it, and he wasn’t about to let it slip away for the sake of some pissing contest just cause the dude had a compulsion about not going down without a fight. He’d wanted to be taken down. Ichigo knew he could comply. 

He stopped being careful and let down his power like a fucking anvil on Grimmjow’s head. The arrancar dropped to his knees in front of him, gasping, head lolling back to one side, fully exposing his jugular to Ichigo’s mercy. Clouded eyes looked at him with a heat bordering on desperation while a wet mouth hung open with something halfway between a growl and a whimper. Holy shit. Grimmjow’s gaze darted from his face and down to eye-level, to where he felt himself stirring awake with increasing speed. A shiny tongue slid out between sharp teeth. Ichigo suppressed a moan and instead grabbed a harsh handful of long blue hair, much harder than he normally would have, feeling like it was what Grimmjow needed - to be able to pretend as if he didn’t have a choice in submitting like this. He was totally right. Grimmjow all but shoved his head further towards the fist in his hair and he whined so deeply it may as well have been a groan when Ichigo pulled even harder. 

Grimmjow let his enthusiasm slip through when he yanked his head towards Ichigo's crotch, so fast that the hand in his hair struggled to keep up, definitely following and not leading the movement. A swipe of his claws opened the already half-shredded shihakushô right over his cock in a move that Ichigo personally found pretty damn risky even for them. But then a hot mouth was envoloping a hard length and everything was- 

_Awful_ , oh my god, ow, ow, ouch, cat tongue, sandpaper, sharp teeth, jesus christ, nonono-

"Gack- gah- Grimmjow, no, stop-!" His dick stopped being tortured. 

"Change your form immediately." Ichigo tried to command, with as much authority as he could muster in his weird warbling voice, readjusting his grip on Grimmjow’s head in a pathetic attempt at staying dominant. The unimpressed glare told him it hadn’t worked. 

The grip in his hair was no match for the arrancar when he actually wanted to get free and so Grimmjow was on his feet in an instant, slashing away what remained of Ichigo’s clothing and sending him flying to the ground with a single hard shove. Almost on cue, his mask shattered, the power boost having run its course. Feeling doubly naked, Ichigo slowly rose back up on his elbows, blinking the bone dust out of his now perfectly ordinary brown eyes. 

By then, Grimmjow was already back to his short-haired, normal-eared self. Ichigo just had time to see him step out off his jumpsuit before being squashed back onto the dry dirt. 

"You’re a fucking dumbass." Grimmjow stated boldly, squishing Ichigo’s face between his palms to the point where he couldn’t see out of his eyeballs anymore. 

"You’re the dumbass, dumbass. Why are you even a cat an-" The sentence started out muffled enough but he gave up entirely when a tongue plunged into his mouth. Oh well. Grimmjow shifted on top of him, making Ichigo delightfully aware of the fact that they both were very naked and pressed flush together. Damn, Grimmjow got shit done. 

"Hang on, I thought you said you couldn’t get it up in this form?" Because it definitely felt up. 

Grimmjow took his hands off Ichigo’s face and placed them in the dirt on either side of his head, putting his weight there, lifting himself up high enough to duck his head between their bodies and confirm that he did indeed have an arrancar boner. Ichigo took a mental picture. Raising his head back up, Grimmjow looked just as baffled, if not more. "Didn’t think I..." he mumbled, then he huffed out a laugh and a disbelieving curse, shaking his head, "Just you."

Well, that was an ego boost and a half. Ichigo kissed him deeply for it, running his arms all over his head, shoulders and back, trying to find the best way to hold him as closely as he felt he needed to right then. 

"You’re my prey," Grimmjow told him sincerely when they pulled apart to breathe. He said it as though the word ‘prey’ meant something completely different to him.

"For a while there it felt more like you were mine," Ichigo said with a crooked smile. He didn’t get a smile in return, just a meaningful look that was cut short when Grimmjow ducked down to nip along his jaw and neck, moving downwards in a steady pace that told Ichigo exactly what the final destination was, even as he made little stops along the way to kiss and bite at Ichigo’s collarbones. Ichigo closed his eyes, a pleased noise rumbling out of him. Inching his way down, their bodies still pressed together as much as they could, Grimmjow’s head aligned with Ichigo’s chest. 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is when it happened. 

Something else aligned. 

Something... unholy. 

It took several seconds to register. One moment his erection had been pushing against Grimmjow’s pelvis, the next it was bobbing freely in the air. He opened his eyes. No, Grimmjow was still there, of course, he still felt his weight everywhere else. He’d just stopped moving. Then what..? Ichigo shifted experimentally-

His dick had gone through the hollow hole. 

His _dick_ had gone _through_ the _hollow hole_.

His mind reeled. His stomach lurched. His dick saw nothing wrong with the situation, except the fact that most of the friction had gone away. It gave a confused throb, flopping against the side of the hole. Grimmjow twitched with his whole body, but otherwise stayed still and kept his head down. Ichigo was about to say something when he was distracted by that buzzing sensation he’d felt a little bit of that one night, when he’d touched the hole while half asleep. It sure felt a lot stronger on the sensitive flesh of his hard cock. Like when you press a blade of grass to an electric fence. Super weird. But not _bad_ weird..

Ichigo’s hips jerked upwards on their own accord, curiously seeking more of the strange sensation, rubbing his member against the tingling nothingness around the hole. 

Startling them both, Grimmjow jolted violently, the movement pushing the opposite edge of the hole against Ichigo’s erection and sending a vicious spasm through Grimmjow’s body until he finally broke free of their connection, shoving himself backwards to land on his ass in the dirt by Ichigo’s feet. 

For several seconds they both sat opposite one another, breathing harshly with sudden adrenaline, eyes huge. Ichigo’s face was staring in numb shock, while Grimmjow’s was streaked with tears and wide open with... everything. Ichigo saw a tidal wave of raw emotion crash into his face, wave after wave, until the gulping breaths turned into stuttering dry sobs. Then his face crumbled as the sobs turned wet and fresh tears and snot started spilling out. The man looked nothing like Grimmjow, his face wrecked by sorrow, bitterness, confusion, longing, uncertainty, tenderness... for a few seconds he even looked like he was weeping with joy. The only thing recognizable was the livid outrage that tightened his jaw and curled his lip. 

"Grimmj-" The arrancar lurched away at the sound of Ichigo’s voice, looking for the best escape route, apparently having forgotten that they weren’t actually outside, that the bunker would eventually end in four straight walls. When he remembered, he turned to look at Ichigo over his shoulder, gritting his teeth and fixing him with a stare of hateful disgust, shame and something that Ichigo had only ever previously interpreted as love when seen on other people’s faces. A garganta opened in front of his outstretched arm, the tearing sound of it lost in the harrowing sobs still spilling from his wet lips, even as he clearly tried to hold them in. Grimmjow threw himself gracelessly through the dimensional gap. 

Then he was gone. 

A few moments later Ichigo heard the hatch open and Urahara’s grating voice chirp out, "My my, was that a garganta I just felt? Don’t tell me you two sweethearts have eloped now..!"

Ichigo slowly turned his head to look up at the shopkeeper, scraped up and bloody from the earlier fighting, sitting in the tatters of his shihakushô with his dick out, unknowingly wearing a few tears of his own and the expression of a kicked puppy. 

"Oh dear," said Urahara. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip crying grimmjow naked in the desert somewhere


	2. i dont know what to fucking name these things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only one more chapter to go after this, i swear! this is kind of an inbetweener, grimmichi-wise, but it needed to be done *throws up hands as if im not the one in control of this shitshow*
> 
> be warned, i am not on maternity leave anymore, so i cant write crack during naptime now, but i’ll do my best to finish this quickly!

He refused to explain to anyone what had happened. Well, except for Kon, because that asshole would’ve managed to assume it was something even worse. Actually he did that anyway, because the complete pervert refused to believe that Ichigo hadn’t orchestrated the whole damn thing to satisfy his depraved fetish. Nothing Ichigo said would convince him that was not what had happened. And the worst part was that he didn’t even know what _had_ happened. 

All he knew was that Grimmjow was gone. After a week it was still kind of up in the air, but when a week turned into a month... yeah, the dude wasn’t coming back. 

Initially Ichigo had been able to convince himself that Grimmjow knew the whole thing had been an accident, that he just needed to recover from... whatever the fuck had happened when his hollow hole was touched like that. But as the days and weeks had passed, uncertainty began to gnaw at his chest. Grimmjow _had_ known about Ichigo’s hole thing - even though that was months ago now and he really did drop it afterwards... Hadn’t he? He hadn’t, like, subconciously tried to- okay, fuck, he was losing his goddamn mind over this. 

The whole thing had crystalized in his brain, painfully clear even when Ichigo could barely remember what he’d had for dinner yesterday. What kept coming back to him was that twitch his hips had done. It hadn’t been a full-on thrust, but had been something. When there shouldn’t have been anything. When he had no reason to think it was something Grimmjow wanted, when in fact he had reason to think the _opposite_ because of that night he touched the hole. Without consent. While the dude was fucking _sleeping_ and now the memory made him want to curl his toes so far up in shame that his toenails somehow doubled back around and sliced some vital artery. 

So maybe Grimmjow did actually think Ichigo had wanted to fuck his hollow hole, whatever that entailed, and Ichigo was fairly certain that he didn’t want that, subconsciously or not, but it barely fucking mattered now because the guy had barrel rolled through a portal stark naked and he now had no way to contact him. 

That part hadn’t even occurred to Ichigo at first. He’d spent days agonizing over composing some kind of message for damage control - what was the post-"wrong hole" texting etiquette for hollows?? In the end he’d just pressed ‘call’. He waited with his heart in his mouth for about twenty seconds before Urahara had picked up the phone with a jokingly seductive "Hello, loverboy~". At least he hoped it was meant to be joking. He hung up immediately just in case. 

It was such a cliché, but Ichigo had completely failed to notice how much his life had changed until there was a big Grimmjow-shaped hole in it. Ugh. Bad choice of words. But the weather was getting warmer with each passing day, flowers blooming all around and making everything look disgustingly romantic. It had been the height of summer when he’d found Grimmjow dying of a hangover. That meant they’d been doing it for nearly a year. 

And everyone knew about them by then - or at least, everyone who mattered. In Karin and Yuzu’s room, an absurd number of eyeliner sticks and eyeshadow palettes in hues of green and blue were now collecting dust. A white motorcycle jacket was crumbled up in the back of his own closet. Inoue had come by with it weeks ago. She’d found in some flee market - barely worn and dirt cheap, apparently, because the previous owner realized that there was no way in hell he could pull off white leather. _"But Grimmjow-san could!"_ she'd smiled brightly, _"So you should give him this whenever he comes by."_ And then he never had. 

They all thought the guy was a complete dick now, of course, since Ichigo refused to say what happened other than that they ‘had a fight’ and it was his fault. No one believed him. _"You always blame yourself for things that aren’t your fault, Ichigo."_ Rukia had told him protectively. Even fucking Ishida had commented on Grimmjow’s assholery, of course while trying to seem as disinterested as possible and totally not fooling anyone. Only his dad seemed to take his word for it, and he appreciated that, but they’d never been able to really talk about that kind of stuff, and Isshin still looked at him with the same goddamn pity as everyone else anyway. 

Ichigo was spending an increasing amount of time in his room for that specific reason. He couldn’t handle the fucking concern and the sensitive questions - how do you explain to your sisters that you accidentally stuck your dick in your sort-of-boyfriend’s stomach hole and made him emotionally implode? 

So in his room he stayed, at least when he wasn’t out unnecessarily patrolling the streets for hollows, stealing that afro dude’s work. He could study just fine at home, the lectures at uni were fucking meaningless anyway, just old dudes reading out loud from powerpoints that were available online. Much better to read up from the comfort of his own room, where he could multitask by stewing in his own angst at the same time. Exams were a great excuse for avoiding people. 

And so he was doing exactly that - yelling to Yuzu that he was busy cramming when she called out for dinnertime on the other side of his door, when he was in fact laying on his bed, playing tetris on his phone. Such was the scene as his ringtone suddenly rang out, the name "grim jim" filling the center of the screen. He took the call without thinking twice. 

"Loverboy!" Urahara's voice sing-songed, "Finished moping yet?" Turns out he should have thought twice. Ichigo’s thumb moved to end the call. 

"Don’t hang up, my sensitive friend! Fancy a trip to Hueco Mundo?"

Ichigo hung up.

Of course that wasn’t the end of it though, and it would be a waste of time to try to convince anyone that it was. 

It was only a matter of days before Ichigo was on another nightly patrol - even if he was having a socially reclusive period, the guy wasn’t lazy and got restless as hell in that bedroom. He just finished slicing some ugly fucker into Soul Society when he heard the familiar clack of wooden sandals. 

"Kurosaki-kun, our savior! I thought you might be up to your usual heroism. Truly the hero we need, but don’t des-"

"You can cut the flattery, Urahara," Ichigo said tiredly, wiping off Zangetsu without a glance in his direction. "And while you’re at it, stop meddling with my life. I’m not going after Grimmjow for you just cause-"

"Why, whoever said anything about _that_ handsome devil?" Urahara smiled behind his fan. Ichigo whipped around, hating the blush rising onto his cheeks. 

"You-"

"I can’t waste my time with such fickle business partners. However, the trade with Hueco Mundo is too important to just abandon."

"Well, I’m not taking over whatever Grimmjow’s job was when my exams are coming up." Ichigo told the shopkeeper flatly. "Or ever." he added after a beat. Urahara was a good friend, but he really had no boundaries. He knew more about the nature of Grimmjow’s departure than anyone else - bursting in the way that he had - and Ichigo wouldn’t put it past the guy to use the situation to his own advantage - even while telling himself that he was only helping the young lovers or whatever, which really was even worse. 

"I don’t believe I said anything about _you_ either, Kurosaki-kun." His smug tone was seriously the worst. Ichigo told so, and strongly suggested he got to the fucking point. "Very well, since you’re no fun... The dazzling lady Nelliel was my original choice of contact."

"Nel?" Ichigo honestly hadn’t seen that coming. 

"Indeed! But back when we were establishing the connection, her terms left something to be desired, and so I went with the sexta espada instead. Alas! Circumstances have obviously changed and I find myself relenting to the cruel demands of the unfairly beautiful tres. Kurosaki-kun, my desperate request to you is that you track down your lovely ladyfriend and bring her my capitulation." Urahara actually had the nerve to clutch his hand over his heart and attempt the world’s most mockingly humble bow. 

"What’s stopping you from doing it yourself?" Ichigo said suspiciously. 

"Oh, I find myself growing older and more frail by the day! I couldn’t possibly attempt such a journey now, in the twilight of my pitiful life." So basically he couldn’t be assed. Ichigo rolled his eyes. Hard. Obviously the offer appealed to him. A trip to Hueco Mundo, _not_ to go after Grimmjow, but with the _possibility_ of running into him by chance... and even if he didn’t, he’d get to see Nel again. And he had missed Nel. The twinkle in Urahara’s eyes said he knew exactly which espada was the main motivation but whatever, it was fucking true. 

"I’ll do it," Ichigo said, scowling so he could pretend that he wasn’t already buzzing with nervous excitement. "You owe me one."

"The biggest one!" Urahara agreed happily, "A huge, juicy, throbbing one!" What the fuck.

* * *

_He couldn’t see Las Noches._

It was literally the only thing he had to go on. That hatted asshole hadn’t given him shit, just ‘oh well Nel will be with Halibel in Las Noches and you can see Las Noches from, like, anywhere’. Like _hell _. As far as his exasperated eyes could see, just sand, sand and more sand. Dunes all around. He bit his lip frustratedly, more angry at himself at this point. Why did he keep getting roped into these stupid plans.__

After a few minutes of deliberation, he decided to just turn himself into a beacon and hope Nel ( _not_ Grimmjow) found him. He weighed the risks against the advantages, but figured he could handle most of what Hueco Mundo might throw at him, since the espada seemed to be the most dangerous beings around and those were the ones he was actually looking for anyway. Also he was kind of in the mood for a fight now.

Ichigo closed his eyes to concentrate on putting out as much energy as he possibly could without blowing a hole in the world or something. He felt it bubble up and boil inside him before letting it out slow and steady, pushing the reiatsu out as far away as he could, as evenly as he could manage. The task was almost soothing - almost literally letting off steam. He sent out pulse after pulse, reaching gradually further as he got used to the action, until he began to feel tapped. Actually emptying himself out would be stupid, just in case something bad did show up.

Before opening his eyes, Ichigo spent another moment just searching. He _thought_ he could sense a trace of Grimmjow’s reiatsu, but it was hard to really place. A part of him felt like he was just imagining things at this point, had been away from Hueco Mundo and around Grimmjow so much that the high-level hollow energy had just become synonymous with the guy - the same way he often had to remind himself that everyday objects in a certain shade of blue had not, in fact, been inspired by the arrancar, and even if they brought windswept hair and a sharp smile into his thoughts, nobody else would think to connect those things.

It was so stupid. Grimmjow wasn’t the type to wait around for an apology. If he was pissed, he’d punch you in the face and get it over with, and if he was gone... then he was just gone. Moved on.

Maybe coming had been a bad idea. Urahara could run his own damn errands. Ichigo felt as though Grimmjow would know immediately that he’d come to Hueco Mundo to see him again, no matter what business excuse he threw up at him. Grimmjow would know simply because it was the truth, and Ichigo had a sneaking suspicion that the truth was pathetic. What if Grimmjow thought Ichigo had come back to convince him to do it again? The most frustrating part was that he still had no idea what it was he’d really done in the first place by-

"Rrrrrrrrrrr...."

Well, looks like something noticed his beacon. The sound wasn’t a growl, more of rolling purr with weird, throaty clicking noises. It was menacing for about a second, it which point Ichigo sensed that the reason he _hadn’t_ sensed the hollow from farther away was because of the fact that it was considerably weaker than him. Adjuchas at best, he determined, already deciding only to immobilize, not kill. At that level, the thing would be feeding on other hollows, not humans.

A moment later, his challenger crested the tallest dune near him. It was of course larger than Ichigo, but still small enough that he was sure this was an adjuchas. The thing was all brittle bone-white legs, far too many of them, ending in something like spearheads too sharp to really see the tip of. Spiky growths crowned its bulbous head, and lined the edges of the large hole gaping in its sternum.

"...rrrrridiculous luck!" the creature trilled, "A meal out of you would be all I rrrrrequire to evolve to vasto lorrrrde..."

Ichigo’s eyes narrowed sullenly at the sight of the hollow hole. What was the _deal_ with those? Had Grimmjow reacted to some sensation inside the hole itself or simply to some inherent taboo? The arrancar did not seem like someone who gave a shit about taboos. Ichigo just didn’t see what sensation you could feel in an empty void, going straight through. It wasn’t even like any sort of - the word felt gross to even think - _pocket_ , or anything.

"What happens when you fuck a hollow hole?"

That. He said that out loud, didn't he. The spider hollow froze in its approach, so suddenly it looked almost comedic.

"...rrrrrrr..." Did it break?

"...rrrrRRRAPE! HELP!" Oh for fuck’s sake. The hollow legged it back over the dune, very quickly, because of, you know, the amount of legs it had.

"NO- _shit!_ " Ichigo swore, looking around wildly for any... hollows? That might hear? Why was he concerned about his reputation _here_ of all places? "Wait, come back!" He just was, don’t question it.

Giving chase only seemed to freak out the creature even further. "RRRRAPIST!" it hollered as he crested the dune and- oh look, fucking there was Las Noches.

"Oh my god, shut up!" he shouted frantically. "I wasn’t even gonna kill you!" This didn’t calm the hollow down in the slightest.

As Ichigo huffed out an exasperated sigh, something in the distance caught his eye. Something rapidly getting closer, and also featuring _too many legs_.

"RRRRRRRUN!" The spider-hollow called out to the smaller creature in the distance, "RRRRRRAPIST!!"

" _Ichigoooooooooooo~!_ " Nel’s voice - _Hold on, Nel?_ \- replied, accompanied by the sound of galloping hooves. What the hell?

The adjuchas stopped dead in its tracks, faster than Ichigo could stop himself and he only just managed to swerve around it. "Lady Nelliel!" it whimpered to itself, legs trembling violently. The hollow hesitated for a second before opening a garganta and hauling ass through it. Wait- was it in the human world now? Was it gonna eat people? Maybe he should have-

"Did you just try to rape that guy?" Nel asked, switching to a trot and then a slow walk as she finally reached him.

"NO." Ichigo told her chest before realizing he had to crane his neck up to look at her face. Damn. Were those horse legs always that long? "Why are you in resurrección?"

"I’m practicing how long I can hold this form!" Nel told him with enthusiasm, her front left hoof scraping the sand proudly. "Also galloping is a blast. But look at you, Ichigo! Here! I missed you so much!" She scooped him up with ease and then swung him around so happily that he couldn’t even get upset about the manhandling. "It’s good to see you too, Nel," he grinned.

After a few more moments of hugging, she slumped down on the white sand in a four-legged sprawl, taking Ichigo down with her. Nel then proceeded to look him all over like an overbearing aunt, commenting on his sideburns filling in and his jaw becoming more defined. _Then_ she just straight-up nuzzled him, nearly taking his eyeball out with the overgrown horns on her mask. Ichigo made his appropriate protestations, but internally he just felt warm all over. Ever since her true form had been revealed, he couldn’t decide on whether Nel felt more like an older sister or still like a younger one; her actions seemed to switch between the two constantly. What seemed unlikely to change, was the fact that she felt like family. He silently breathed in her scent, which was now both femine and, well, horse-y. It smelled safe, somehow.

"So are you finally just here to visit? Or are you looking for grumpy cat?" Grumpy cat?

"Urahara sent me," Ichigo said, feeling suddenly guilty that he had never just come for a visit. "He said to say that he ‘accepts your terms’, whatever that means."

"Oh, yay!" He earned another bone-crushing hug and was only released after actually tapping out against an armoured shoulder. Curiosity finally spilling over, Ichigo asked just what the hell those terms had been.

"I want the gigai to be in my child form!" Nel gushed happily, clasping her hands together with a clack of her hand-guards. "Oh, I just think it would be so fun to remember everything but still be all little and cute."

Ichigo’s mouth twitched and he was tempted to inform her that she didn’t need to be smaller to be cute. Instead he asked, "Why in the world would Urahara have a problem with that?"

"You know, I really don’t know. He just insisted that I would lose my biggest assets by not using my adult form." Nel said with confusion, crossing her arms around the two enormous "assets" on her chest. Ichigo’s face split between smiling at Nel’s innocence and scowling at how fucking gross Urahara could be. The result was that he looked somewhat constipated. He also just hated that he immediately knew exactly what had gone through the shopkeeper’s mind. Wait, if. If Urahara ideally wanted to work with Nel because he found her adult form attractive and then chose Grimmjow over the option of still having Nel, just as a child... Did he also find Grimmjow attractive? Ichigo felt something in his stomach and he really didn’t want to think it was jealousy.

"I’m plenty strong even in my other form! Strong enough for the human world, surely." Nel complained, interrupting Ichigo’s thoughts and rightfully so.

"I know you are," he said soothingly, "and I’m sorry I haven’t come to visit before." Nel gave him a warm smile, chocolate-coloured eyes turning up at the corners. So much easier mollified than a certain other espada. She just made everything easy - even when he didn’t see her for a long time, somehow he just knew things wouldn’t change between them. Maybe that was the reason he didn’t feel any strong need to seek her out.

"Did Grimmjow get laid off or something?" Nel asked abruptly, with the sympathetic disappointment of a concerned older sister.

"I mean, he- wait, you haven’t seen him?" Unnecessary concern flared up in Ichigo’s mind. Surely Grimmjow was fine in Hueco Mundo? It was his home, after all.

"Not _seen_ , only sensed. He’s around," Nel told him reassuringly, reading his thoughts with ease. "he’s just sulking. I wouldn’t get any answers out of him even if I tried."

Ichigo frowned, still not liking the idea that Grimmjow had been back for over a month without touching base in Las Noches. "It’s my fault." he mumbled.

"I thought it might be," she said gently, giving another small smile when their eyes met. "What happened?"

"I touched his hollow hole," he told her honestly, the relief instant as the words left his mouth. "It was a complete accident. But it was pretty bad."

Nel screwed up her face knowingly. "Did he cry?" Ichigo considered denying it for Grimmjow’s sake, but in the end he just nodded, looking down at their feet... and uh, hooves.

After a beat, she shrugged. "Still, if it was an accident, then he’s totally overreacting. So prickly," she grimaced conspiratorally, leaning close to Ichigo’s face with twinkling eyes. Ichigo wanted to give her a smile, but he honestly couldn't muster it. 

"I’m not sure Grimmjow thinks it was an accident."

"Oh." She put a hand on his shoulder, not really knowing what to say.

"Nel," Ichigo said hesitantly, "what _happens _when you touch the hole?" The hand on his shoulder slid off uncomfortably, although it was more because of the answer than the question itself. The woman spent a few moments searching for the right words.__

____

"It’s where our hearts used to be... even if they moved around on some of us when we became arrancar," she eventually started, putting her hand over her clothed chest, where her own hole still was, according to Grimmjow. The words rang a bell in Ichigo’s head... something Rukia had told him, very early on.

____

"The holes left behind are the source of our hunger as hollows... it’s where our regret festers, even when we can no longer remember anything but bitter disappointment and pain, and. And hatred." Her fingers dug inwards and Ichigo could see a bit of the outline of her hole. He winced at the dark look in her eyes, so different from the small girl he’d met in the sands years ago. Except she was always this. Even in her child form she’d still had a gaping hole punched through her little chest - through her soul. His hand moved hesitantly to her slim wrist, stilling her tightening fingers with a small squeeze. Nel looked at him like she’d forgotten he was there, but warmth rushed back into her big brown eyes almost immediately.

____

"I have no sense of touch in my hole, although I don’t know about the others, it’s not exactly something we discuss... But when something touches it... it’s the most pain I ever feel." Her expression made it clear that she wasn’t talking about physical pain, but rather a deepseated emotional anguish. Ichigo felt sick.

____

"I didn’t know," he said thinly, "I... thank you for telling me. It can’t be easy to talk about."

____

Nel just raised a shoulder in a half-shrug. "We’re friends." He couldn’t have supressed the smile on his face then, even if he’d wanted to. Ichigo enjoyed the sight of the one he got in return. They stayed like that for a while, at peace in one another’s silence, sitting together in the endless night. As much as you could call Nel’s position ‘sitting’ what with the four horse legs folded up underneath her furry belly. Wasn’t that how horses laid down? How did the human part of her lay down when it was stuck on the horse part at that angle? Also did she have two bellies right now? Ichigo gave up on the train of thought.

____

Instead he reflected upon what Nel had told him, going over the memories of his last encounter with Grimmjow in light of the new information. It explained a lot - and everything it explained made him feel a million times worse about the whole thing - but not everything added up. The negative emotions had been there alright, but there’d been more. Ichigo had been through some shit, and so had his friends, and he’d seen what intense emotions looked like on their faces. Good ones, too. Grimmjow’s face had shown glimpses of overwhelmed happiness, and of a devotion he’d only seen in one person, and saw all the time - the way his dad looked at that horrendous poster of his mom.

____

He told Nel as much and she frowned thoughtfully. "I suppose you’d know what you saw, but I honestly don’t see how touching a hollow hole could elicit something like that."

____

"Is there... any way to find out?" Ichigo asked awkwardly, looking at a nearby sand dune like it was the hottest new thing. And wishing Nel’s hollow hole wasn’t located "between her tits" as Grimmjow had so elegantly phrased it.

____

"Oh!" Nel said, in a tone that made Ichigo glance back at her face. She was blushing slightly. "I guess... if you don’t think things will be weird between us? You’re lucky I’m a masochist," she laughed, sounding suddenly shy. What.

____

Whatever she had in mind, it sure fucking wasn’t the same thing as Ichigo.

____

"Uh," he said loudly, massively uncomfortable. "You know what, nevermind. Tha.. thanks though."

____

"Might be for the best, I’m not sure I’m extreme enough for that. The further into the hole you get, the worse it is, but... even if you only touched around the edge, it’s pretty intense." Well, he’d definitely touched more than the edge. Ichigo felt himself plummeting into self-loathing.

____

"Anyway- you wanna head to Urahara’s? He’ll be thrilled to see you." _Even if the reason seemed pretty fucking shady at this point_ , Ichigo’s mind supplied.

____

"Oh, I can’t leave right away! I have to take care of some things with Halibel-sama," Nel said, untangling all her legs from underneath herself and standing up. Ichigo followed reluctantly, although he honestly didn’t really have time to go on an extended trip to Las Noches right before his exams. That seemed an excessive act of procrastination even for him. "No no, don’t worry!" Nel said, seeing his face, "I’ll go by my self. After all, you have your own business to attend to." This was followed by a meaningful wink.

____

"Huh?" What did Nel know about exam season?

____

"Can’t you feel him? He was already there before I found you." What-?

____

With his heart suddenly about to hammer out of his chest, Ichigo cast about for Grimmjow’s reiatsu signature and found it quickly once he realized that the ‘Grimmjow-esque’ background energy he’d felt and put down to being a latent part of Grimmjow’s home- that background energy actually _was_ -

____

_"Grimmjow."_

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pssssst .......... any suggestions on how to end this?
> 
> jk jk ahahahahaha i have it..... all planned out. ....?


	3. pacing? what pacing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the thrilling conclusion to the fucking hollow hole trilogy is brought to you by our generous sponsor, quarantine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS BEEN ALMOST THREE MONTHS YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO SHOOT ME
> 
> this one goes out to lfanfic who requested that the cursed anakin sand quote rear its ugly head in my beautiful series

In daylight, Ichigo would have spotted him quickly. But in the desert night, all he could see was an outline against the starless sky and the faint glow of predatory eyes reflecting the moonlight. 

Once Ichigo knew it was Grimmjow, the arrancar’s spiritual energy overpowered anything else he could sense. The familiarity was overwhelming, like smelling a scent from your childhood that you weren’t aware you’d previously forgotten. Except it wasn’t even that long since he’d last seen the guy and he hated how quickly his body was reacting, how his mind flooded with all the other instances he’d felt that reiatsu mingling with his own... during battle, during sex and - after Kon’s stupid plan, when Grimmjow started making a habit of staying over - in the mornings when Ichigo had woken up to him still sleeping. Suddenly all Ichigo could see was Grimmjow sleeping in his gigai in Ichigo’s bed, soft and warm and sweaty. He never thought he’d fucking miss the feeling of someone sweating on him in their sleep. 

"If you leave your prey for too long, someone might claim him, you know?" Nel called out into the night, not noticing - or just thoughtfully not acknowledging - the way Ichigo’s heart had suddenly decided to start hammering its way out of his chest while twin waterfalls erupted from his palms. His nostrils flared uselessly in some kind of imitation of his spiritual sense. 

"Eat ass, Nelliel."

"Stop projecting, _Grimmjow_." Ichigo gave Nel a sideways glance, suddenly glad that he hadn’t grown up with an older sibling to harass him. "How about you grow some balls and-"

"Hey, it’s okay, Nel, I got it! Just go finish what it was you had to do for Halibel," Ichigo interrupted hurriedly. That earned him a raised eyebrow from Hueco Mundo’s second-in-command. He scratched his neck, openly cringing as a sign of submission. Adult Nel’s blankface was inexplicably terrifying. "Sorry. I... thanks. I didn’t mean to order you around." 

Luckily he was forgiven. Nel took her leave, although she made it very clear that this was _not_ because Ichigo told her to, but rather because she couldn’t stand to be around the pair of them for a second longer. He still got a quick hug before she left. Grimmjow got a glare that definitely would have been accompanied by a tongue sticking out if she’d had been in her child form. And then she was off. 

Ichigo watched her gallop away with his back to the arrancar behind him. And then he just kinda kept looking in the same direction. Awkwardly. A pair of blue eyes were definitely burning into the back of his skull. Wow, Las Noches’ architecture sure wasn’t this interesting when he last visited. 

"Grab your sword, shinigami." Ichigo’s head turned against his will at the cold steel in Grimmjow’s voice. The arrancar had straightened out of his crouch atop the dune, but was still just a small figure in the dark. 

Ichigo frowned uncertainly. "Grimm-?"

" _Grind, Pantera_."

"Shit- Bankai!" Zangetsu barely had time to merge into a single blade before Grimmjow was on him in a blur of sonido. He’d gotten paler, Ichigo noticed, although he supposed that was Grimmjow’s natural look. The slight tan he’d gotten from his time in the sunny world of the living must have been an oddity. This wasn’t the time for musing on appearances, however, as Ichigo was soon reminded in a splatter of blood. A quick glance told him the gash on his arm wasn’t deep, but the act of glancing down earned him another cut, this time across his cheek. Shit. 

Ichigo was actually struggling to do anything more than defend himself. Had he really gotten out of touch so fast? Maybe he should’ve spent less time moping around at home. And the snarling whirlwind of claws and hair didn’t seem the slightest bit pleased to have the upper hand. On the contrary, it seemed to be pissing him off. 

"Grimmjow," Ichigo panted between gracelessly hurried parries, "it was an accident."

"What." he growled, with enough contempt that Ichigo almost thought he’d been misunderstood, that Grimmjow thought he was referring to... to _them_ as a whole. Maybe that was conceited. He likely just didn’t believe him about the hole thing. 

"At Urahara’s," Ichigo stressed, leaping backwards to create some much-needed distance, "the last time I saw you, I- I didn’t mean to-"

Grimmjow stared at him incredulously. "I _know_ that, dumbass. Now swing that stupid sword of yours properly."

So Ichigo did just that. His ears were ringing, and not from the scrape of craws on metal. Grimmjow knew the hole debacle wasn’t on purpose. He’d been following him in Hueco Mundo - "sulking", according to Nel. He still wanted to fight. "I missed you," Ichigo said breathlessly, unable to keep the smile off his face. 

"Shut the fuck up." Grimmjow spat. "You’ve gotten fucking slow."

"Yeah, my sparring partner went away," Ichigo replied. "Hopefully he comes home soon."

Grimmjow huffed with disbelief, but not with unhappiness. He answered with a nasty spinning kick to Ichigo’s chest. Ichigo responded by attempting to slash him across the thigh, but he was too winded to land it and the fucker was too fast, twisting out of his reach gracefully. And so they battled, with swords, claws and raw blasts of energy, swinging, kicking, swiping, flipping, lunging... this was what they’d started as, years ago. 

This, they could rebuild from. 

Ichigo felt his worries dissipating like morning mist in the rising sun. And it wasn’t hard to figure out who the sun was in this particular scenario. Maybe distance really did make the heart grow fonder or something cause Ichigo didn’t remember going this crazy for Grimmjow before the guy left. Now he totally, totally was. His stomach fluttered wildly whenever they both happened to lunge forward at the same time, close enough for Ichigo to see the beads of sweat dripping down from the bone-crown of Grimmjow’s reshaped mask. That’s closer than you’re supposed to get in a sword fight, and Ichigo was paying for it with torn skin. 

So he gave himself a good mental slap and just enjoyed the dance of attack and parry, darting forward when he saw the opportunity, and then back when Grimmjow managed to overwhelm him. Which was still an awful lot, honestly. Had the dude been training for this the whole time he’d been gone? 

Eventually Ichigo donned his mask - fucking had to, Grimmjow was taking his lunch money - and took full advantage of the arrancar’s brief surprise to send him flying on his ass. Ichigo didn’t hesitate for a second, flash stepping over before he could get back up, but Grimmjow was expecting him and sent Ichigo to his knees with a vicious low kick. His grip on Zangetsu weakened when he was forced to use his sword-arm to catch his fall and Grimmjow preyed on that weakness like the apex predator he was. 

The blade was shoved away with a quiet _sssshhhk_ against the cool sand. 

And so they tangled together, grappling for dominance, pulling hair and throwing dirty punches until Ichigo emerged on top with Grimmjow pinned and thrashing underneath him. The arrancar had clearly forgotten how to adjust for Ichigo’s masked form, which wasn’t surprising considering they hadn’t exactly gotten around to fight the last time Ichigo used it. 

The memory made Ichigo pause and consider the position they’d ended up in. Suddenly their panting sounded very loud in the moonlit desert. Ichigo’s in particular just sounded bizarre, his mask distorting every noise even when he wasn’t speaking. Grimmjow had stopped moving, watching Ichigo with eyes narrowed into feral slits, trying to calculate his next move while catching his breath.

And there was something more in that gaze as well. His grip on Grimmjow’s wrists loosened as Ichigo saw desire flickering to life inside sharp blue eyes. He became hyperaware of his thighs straddling Grimmjow’s stomach. If Ichigo shifted back just a little... and Grimmjow just laid there with his arms on either side of his head, which was haloed by the ridiculously long hair of his released form. Several strands had strayed to Grimmjow’s mouth during their struggle. They billowed there with each puff of air he exhaled but stayed put, caught on dry lips. His lips looked so dry that Ichigo wanted to lick his own in sympathy. Neither of them had gotten their breathing under control. 

Abruptly, Ichigo could feel each single drop of sweat running down his body, underneath his shredded shihakushô. He swore he could feel every place their torn clothing lined up slashes of burning hot skin. His head felt like it was boiling, even in the cool night air, face damp and itchy under his mask. The last time he put on his mask... 

But then Grimmjow’s gaze hardened as the arrancar also recalled exactly how that day had ended for them. He made a sound like a threatened and _furious_ animal. Then he surged upward even as Ichigo’s hands tightened again, delivering the only form of attack possible in that position. 

"... Motherfucker," Grimmjow hissed as he fell back down. 

"Did you seriously just headbutt my mask?" He had. And hard.

"Fuck me, what is that thing _made_ of?"

"You tell me," Ichigo said deliriously. "I can’t believe you just did that."

"Shut up." The blandness of that insult made Ichigo consider Grimmjow’s face more closely and he immediately wanted to kick himself. Underneath the usual glare was a genuine discomfort that Ichigo instinctively recognized as not feeling in control and absolutely hating it. _This is my fault_ , he thought.

So he let his mask shatter, felt it go brittle and empty without his reiryoku, splitting into shards that crumbled into powder when they broke on Grimmjow’s face. Both men shut their eyes as the bone dust scattered in the wind. Simultaneously, they opened them again. From the slight pull in his eyeballs, which would never not be weird, Ichigo knew his were still black and gold. Grimmjow looked less hostile, although still on alert. 

_Trust me_ , Ichigo willed, not daring to break the silence. Releasing Grimmjow’s wrists entirely, he started lowering himself onto his forearms, slow as growing grass. _Trust me_. When they were close enough for their eyes to cross, Grimmjow’s eyelids finally grew heavy. His jaw relaxed and he let out a puff of air that tingled on Ichigo’s lips. Then he decked him in the ear as hard as he could. 

It.. felt like it might have exploded. Ichigo may no longer have an ear. Yet somehow it was still ringing. Ow.

Even with Ichigo decidedly incapacitated on the ground, Grimmjow kicked himself away, using Ichigo’s chest for good measure, of course. 

"Has anyone ever told you you’re high maintenance?" Ichigo bit out, although it sounded a bit muddled with his current hearing. Was he bleeding from his earhole?

The question seemed to throw Grimmjow off and Ichigo used the moment to snatch back Zangetsu, swinging the sword right at the scar that rested underneath the armour of Grimmjow’s resurrección. Defensive bastard. The arrancar barely managed to block it, and huffed out a dry laugh as he did so. 

"Who else would know?" 

In theory it was a question but his tone left no doubt as to the answer. _No one_. Ichigo felt something big bubble in his chest. Okay. Okay. So he wasn’t gonna have it easy. But if Grimmjow had thought less of him, he wouldn’t be bothering to go all out. Ichigo took a deep breath, and then a running start.

  


* * *

  


"Know what would be great right now?" Grimmjow asked the desert at large, "A smoke." 

Even as a non-smoker, Ichigo totally felt that statement. His limbs felt like overcooked spaghetti. Spaghetti that _hated him_. He hadn’t had a fight that long in... he didn’t remember, and had lost all sense of time anyway. It probably hadn’t been several days, but it sure fucking felt like it. 

Ichigo painstakingly lifted an aching arm inside the folds of his wrecked shihakushô. Miraculously, it was still there. At the crinkling sound of the lighter pressing against the pack, Grimmjow turned his head as rapidly as his sore muscles could manage. 

"When did you start..." he trailed off with actual wonder in his voice as Ichigo extended the pack towards him. 

"Didn’t." Ichigo said, then tried very hard not to blush at the long look Grimmjow sent his way. It probably helped that he had no blood leftover. "If you want them, get them yourself, I’m not a delivery boy."

"Just toss ‘em here," Grimmjow scoffed.

"I used the last of my energy pulling out the pack," Ichigo insisted, ignoring the eyeroll, "Come get them."

It actually worked. To the sound of exaggerated grunting and many colourful curses, Grimmjow managed to half-roll, half-wiggle his beaten frame into arm’s reach of Ichigo. And just as he reached out to grab the precious cancer sticks, Ichigo slid his hand away. Well, it was more of a flopping movement, but still. 

"Nah, they’re gonna cost you," he said to Grimmjow’s immediate outrage. "You’re gonna answer some questions."

At this, the arrancar scrunched up his stupidly short eyebrows, but otherwise looked unsurprised. "Fine," he grunted, in a tone that made Ichigo suspect that Grimmjow’d already resigned himself to doing that anyway and that he had in fact given up his bargaining chip for cheap. Oh well. 

"But lemme smoke one of the fuckers first," Grimmjow stalled, wiggling his still-reaching hand. Ichigo sighed and delivered, looking on as the pack was torn open roughly and Grimmjow fished out his first smoke in over a month. His expression was almost peaceful as he held the cigarette loosely between his lips while lighting up. Ichigo watched it enviously. 

The peace only lasted a drag or two, after which it was replaced by an ill-boding confusion and then a murderous scowl that looked significantly more at home on the arrancar’s face. 

"Damn it," he spat tiredly, "Doesn’t do shit. Fuck that bastard, at least when I was adjuchas I could enjoy a fucking meal." Ichigo looked at him sympathetically, trying to relate to someone taking away his body’s sensitivity to anything that wasn’t relevant for battle. He came up short. 

"Is that why Urahara made you a gigai?"

"Next question." Grimmjow said around the cigarette. It was apparently still better to smoke than to not. Ichigo watched the tendrils of smoke billow up towards the moon. They looked extra blue in the moonlight, and reminded him somehow of those glowing jellyfish that lived deep in the ocean. Were those even a real thing? Ichigo took a fortifying breath and tried his damndest to speak with an even voice,

"What happened when I touched your hole that day?" He sounded calm enough. Right? 

"Eugh." Grimmjow grunted, making a face, "Go back to the first question." He flicked away the butt with a vengance - _he smoked it that fast?_ \- and kept his eyes locked at the spot where it disappeared into the dunes. 

"Wanna know why I wanted outta here? Fine. I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere," the arrancar began. Ichigo nodded encourangingly, even though Grimmjow wasn’t looking at him. The statement was true enough, Ichigo could attest to that personally. He currently had sand in crevices he hadn’t even known existed. A tremour went through Grimmjow and Ichigo patiently waited for him to go on, before it became evident that he wouldn’t. 

Re-running the words through his head, Ichigo swore. Turned out what Grimmjow was shaking with was laughter. 

"Dickhead!" A fistful of sand was thrown in Grimmjow’s general direction. Not one grain of it landed on him. "Knew I shouldn’t have shown you those fucking movies."

"Thought ya couldn’t lift yer arm anymore," the asshole snickered. To Ichigo’s horror, he immediately went about lighting up his second cigarette in about three minutes. Again he huffed out an annoyed little sound when the nicotine failed to hit. 

"Grimmjow," Ichigo said simply. 

"Fuck, Kurosaki, you’re killin’ the post-combat bliss," Grimmjow complained. "I don’t fuckin’ know, okay, go harass Nel about it. Or that hollow. I’m sure _he_ won’t be able to resist you a second time." 

Of course he’d heard that. Of course. Ichigo’s face managed to turn the colour of a ripe tomato in spite of the blood loss. He scowled through it. 

"Nel said touching the hole brings up bad hollow stuff."

"So there’s yer answer." Grimmjow was going cross-eyed from how intently he was staring at his cigarette. 

"Don’t make me beat your ass again." Ichigo threatened dryly, fully aware that he was currently fucked up the hardest. And to his pleasure, Grimmjow cracked up. Gotcha. 

It still took a few more cigarettes before he found the words. Ichigo used the time to watch a fleet of thin clouds sail across the moon. 

"You’re right," Grimmjow eventually said, which was way more satisfying than it should have been. He sounded exhausted, from more than just fighting. "I felt everything. Like. Fuck, everything. I tried- later, I tried by myself." A certain flavour of uncharacteristic awkwardness was attached to this statement. 

"You touched your own hollow hole?" The sand shifted softly around Grimmjow’s head as he nodded. 

"I dunno if anyone knows it’s like that. Or if it was before we became arrancar. Aizen definitely didn’t know that shit. But it- Around the edges, it’s hunger, it’s... you’re dyin’ of starvation. And deeper in, it’s darker." So Nel had said. Pain. Hate. "I don’t think anyone would want to go further. But... closer to the center, it starts to change." His hand had slipped down to his abdomen, twitching near the edge of the hole. His face looked vaguely constipated. 

"Better?" Ichigo prompted, trying not to stare into the hole. 

"Yeah." It was a very loaded ‘yeah’. Grimmjow seemed to start reaching for another cigarette, but stopped himself. Instead he just began playing with the lighter. He looked as though he was still trying to process things himself. Ichigo watched the small flame flicker as he took in the information. 

"Can’t hate without caring," he mumbled.

"You what?"

"It’s something my dad used to say to me and my sisters when we would fight and scream ‘I hate you!’... ‘You can’t hate without caring’. Of course then we’d just switch to screaming ‘I don’t care about you!’ instead. Kids are assholes."

Grimmjow stared at him. 

"I did. I loved."

"Loved?" Ichigo repeated lamely. _’Me?’_ he wanted to add. 

"It’s different shit along the way in, but. Dead center, it’s- that’s what it was. I felt- I loved. An’ I didn’t know I remembered... from before..." Grimmjow’s voice was suddenly scraped raw, like a little boy’s knees against asphalt on a summer day. His eyes were seeing something that probably happened before Ichigo was born. 

"Shit." The guy looked so tired. "Must be nice to be able to make yourself feel good though?" Oh, that was the worst joke ever. Not even a proper joke, it sounded like some sort of gross euphemism, fuck, why did he say that.

"That’s not it." Grimmjow simply replied. "Feels fake. Or it’s- fucking freaky not to have anything real tied up with those emotions." Nothing real? Ichigo winced. 

"So... how do you feel now?"

This time Grimmjow seemed to pick up on the pathetic ‘about me’ that his tone implied. He looked at him evenly. "Dunno, Kurosaki. I still feel all that shit. But fuck me if I can tell where it’s coming from."

The gravity of that answer washed over Ichigo in waves.

He was too fucking tired for this shit. At least that’s what he told himself as his throat filled with gravel and his eyes burned with something that had absolutely nothing to do with his hollow powers. He was too exhausted, from fighting, from all of it. From missing Grimmjow, from. Fucking. Just realizing how much he missed him, and what that meant, and that he might just have messed up something that never had a chance to really start. Or that something had started, and ended, without Ichigo realizing what it really was. And of course it was his fault. Fuck. And then he came to Hueco Mundo and for a second he really thought things were gonna be fine between them. 

But it wasn’t, and maybe they’d never get to try again because things were gonna be weird and unequal and nothing real was tied up with Grimmjow’s emotions while Ichigo’s were fucking more real than- aw fuck, his vision was blurring. This was just embarrassing. And - and Ichigo’s stomach clenched up painfully - even if it was real, even if it _became_ real, would Grimmjow ever trust it?

Ichigo laid still, refusing wipe his stupid eyes lest he draw attention to the fact that they were currently leaking. Maybe Grimmjow wouldn’t notice. He should say something though. Anything. _I really like you_ , his mind kept repeating, obsessively underlining the ‘really’ while refusing to acknowledge the better, bigger word, the one Grimmjow had used so casually. Ichigo tried to swallow around the fist-sized lump that had sprouted in his throat.

"You makin’ fun o’ me or somethin’?" Grimmjow said under his breath, looking at once vulnerable and suspicious. He was also very close. When did that happen?

"I- what? No?" Fuck how wet and wobbly his fucking voice was, seriously. But two intensely blue eyes flickered with something like hope. Calloused fingers trailed the skin around Ichigo’s eyes gently. 

"I must’ve looked just like that," Grimmjow mumbled, smearing out a tearstreak on his cheekbone in something that felt almost like a caress. "Whaddaya feel?"

Ichigo had to clear this throat several times. "Oh, you looked way worse, you had like snot trailing down your fa-"

The fingers pulled away, only to bat at his face. 

"Feel like shit," Ichigo replied honestly, rubbing his now sore cheek, "Grimmjow, I- I want you to know I really-"

"That’s what it feels like;" Grimmjow breathed, "shit."

Shit. 

The air left Ichigo’s lungs in a rush as he scrambled up onto screaming arms. He sucked in air unsteadily as Grimmjow grasped the tatters of his sleeves, pulling him onto himself, and it sounded kind of like a sob, but it definitely wasn’t, it was just a lot happening at once. Ichigo tried to still the moment, to memorize the way Grimmjow was gaping up at him, to pinpoint exactly when the tension between them snapped into something brilliant and clear. But it was like fighting a tidal wave and a second later Grimmjow’s mouth was crashing into his.

Ichigo’s stomach - his whole body - finally settled in a way he’d forgotten it was capable of. There were no butterflies, only warmth. This was no first, but rather a homecoming. He couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, distorting it slightly and mashing his face all the harder into Grimmjow’s to make up for it. 

He noticed for the first time that the arrancar didn’t feel hard and cold in the least as long as Ichigo was also in his spirit form. Ichigo smoothed his fingers over the soft, warm skin of his cheek before gripping the jawbone like a lifeline and breathing in deeply, easily, refilling his senses with Grimmjow. 

It was a perfect moment and Ichigo honestly couldn’t shake the feeling that someone - Renji kept coming to mind for some reason - was gonna jump out from behind a tree to throw rocks at their gay asses. He almost forgot to actually enjoy the kiss until Grimmjow wound his hand up from Ichigo’s sleeve to tangle in his hair, bringing him back to the present. This also helped him notice how fucking dead his arms were, just in time for them to actually give out on him. 

"Ow, jesus. Why the fuck is your chin so sharp?"

"It’s a regular chin," Ichigo defended from where his face was now squashed against Grimmjow’s general neck/hair area, wanting to rub the place where the jawbone may well have chipped a piece off his ear. He literally couldn’t lift his arms. 

"I literally can’t lift my arms."

"Pussy."

Grimmjow rolled slightly so that Ichigo flipped down onto the sand. They kissed again, both laying on their backs, bodies touching nowhere except their mouths. Two limp noodles in love. 

"It really doesn’t make sense," Grimmjow insisted lazily, "Hollows can’t feel this type o’ shit."

"You’re not really a hollow though, are you? You’re an arrancar. And not a naturally evolved one either. Who knows." he pursed his lips for another kiss like a total loser and Grimmjow did not take the bait. 

"I don’t even know what that means anymore," he muttered. "Kurosaki. You wanted to know why I got the gigai?"

"Sure," Ichigo said, rubbing his head a little against Grimmjow’s hair. A hoarde of clouds had covered the moon, leaving the desert very dark. 

"Right. You see my pack anywhe- Fuck it, nevermind. Did you know that shinigami captain that died in the war?"

"Captain-Commander Yamamoto? I mean I met him several times, but no, I wouldn’t say I really did."

"Not him, the other guy."

"Oh, Ukitake? Him I knew a bit. Why?"

"I was at his funeral procession." 

Ichigo’s eyebrows shot up, but he squashed the second ‘why?’ that bubbled up in his throat. It seemed disrespectful. Ukitake had touched a lot of hearts and who knew whether his path had crossed with Grimmjow before his death. "Me too," he settled for. It wasn’t just Ukitake’s though, it was everyone’s. They delayed as long as they could to give the survivors a chance to recuperate and attend the procession... or join the fallen. The dead were carried through most of the Seireitei - most of the pallbearers themselves wounded - so it wasn’t any wonder that the two hadn’t seen eachother. 

Besides, Ichigo had spent that day focused on one person only. He still had dreams about the hollowed out look in Rukia’s eyes. Whenever he woke from one of those, he had to gratefully count every smile he’d managed to put on her face since then. 

"Yeah? Didn’t think ya stuck around that long." Grimmjow probably thought he pulled off a nonchalant vibe, but he was wrong. 

"I was there. I- They told me you had to rest, Grimmjow. And that seeing me would... probably have the opposite effect." That was a truth, but not the whole truth. Ichigo might have disregarded the order if it hadn’t been for the fact that by the time Grimmjow woke up, he was spending most of his time making sure Inoue didn’t work herself into her own coma, trying to heal everyone she came across. 

"Probably," Grimmjow agreed, huffing out a laugh that would’ve sounded completely natural to Ichigo one year ago. "Doesn’t matter." Ichigo frowned. 

"It does. I’m sorry you woke up alone." And then, even though he’d never planned on ever telling him, "I visited you every day until you did." 

"Bullshit."

"I did! Look at me and tell me I’m lying." Ichigo couldn’t see shit in the dark, but that didn’t mean Grimmjow couldn’t. When the eerie shine of those predatory eyes fell on him, he stared right back, forcing himself to remember how Grimmjow had looked, laid out in the squad four’s barracks, more dead than alive while the healers used their talents on other patients. He was stable, they said, which was more than most of the shinigami in there. He wasn’t the priority right now. The words still churned his stomach. 

"Fuck," Grimmjow said hoarsely. He was quiet for a little while.

"So did you know Captain Ukitake?"

"Nah. I was just going fucking crazy inside and that was the first time they allowed everyone that didn’t require intensive care to go outside." Sensing Ichigo’s unspoken question as to why that would matter to Grimmjow, he added, "Those healer bastards can be intense." Which was true. Unohana had taught her squad well. 

"Saw that Commander be carried by first, of course. Diddya see how big his casket was, Kurosaki? Fuckers ain’t equal, even in death. Everyone in his squad looked like ants in comparison. I fucked off, wanted to find a quiet little place to make a garganta and haul my ass home. Couldn’t," Grimmjow said, "Still too weak," and that was something he definitely wouldn’t have admitted to earlier. Ichigo tried to gauge his face in the dark, but could only make out the outline of it. 

"So back I went, and there he came. I didn’t know who it was, but I knew it was a captain from the haori draped over the casket. And everyone around me fucking lost it. I thought I was standing in the middle of his squad or something. Or it was some forced shit to show respect to a superior in public. But back at the barracks, later, the shinigami kept talking about him. They were fucking gutted." Grimmjow sounded like he was still baffled. "I didn’t know someone could leave an impact like that - on underlings that answered to other captains. They had so many stories about him. Like, personal stories, not fucking legends. They were mournin' him even in private."

"Didn’t you have a fracción once?" Ichigo asked stupidly, knowing for a fact that he had. A fact he’d learned long, long after he and his friends had killed them. "Wouldn’t they have felt the same if you’d died?"

"Those assholes only gave a shit 'cause I was stronger than them. No one’s strong when they’re dead." He said it like it wasn’t quite the whole truth, but Ichigo wasn’t about to bother him for it there and then. 

"I kept thinking about him when I eventually came back to Las Noches. Or, not him, ‘cause I didn’t know him, but how much people gave a shit about him."

"You wanted that?" Ichigo’s voice was tentative, even though that was a totally normal thing to want. It just- hadn’t seemed like a Grimmjow thing to want. But after a beat, Ichigo felt a head nodding against his hair. 

"But you must’ve known, then," Ichigo said softly, "that arrancar aren’t.. heartless. You must’ve known. I mean, what about Nel?"

"Nel is one in a fucking million," Grimmjow said off-handedly, as though that naturally voided the argument, "and if you ever tell her I said that, I’ll rip out your flimsy little organs."

"Fine," Ichigo replied, grinning. 

"And I didn’t know. I just... I guess I hoped." He said it like he expected Ichigo to laugh at him, like he was resigned for that. 

Well damn if that didn’t make Ichigo’s chest clench up something painful. So that was what he’d been after in the world of the living. The clouds were finally blown away from the moon, and cold ghostly light flooded the empty dunes again.

"You should stay with us. When you’re not in Hueco Mundo, I mean. Or just in general. Stay with us. The girls already love you anyway."

"And you?"

Feeling very brave, Ichigo said, "And me."

"No." 

"No?" Ichigo repeated numbly, instantly spiralling downwards into despair. 

"I’m not gonna mooch off your family. I’m gonna get my own place." Grimmjow declared, staring into the middle distance in determination. Then he fixed his gaze on Ichigo and said, "If you want, it can be your place too."

"Okay," Ichigo agreed immediately, despair replaced by something warm and fuzzy. "But uh. How are you gonna do that?"

"I’d been talking to Kisuke about it before I left. He owes me about a year’s work - been payin’ me in I-owe-yous since he made me the gigai. Figured they’d come in handy one day." Ichigo had a feeling whatever living arrangements Urahara came up with would be dodgy at best, considering the Visored had been housed in a fucking warehouse. But as soon as he finished med school and got a real job, he could find them something else. He felt a bit dizzy.

"Okay. But if you’re gonna keep on calling him Kisuke, then you have to start calling me Ichigo." 

"You got a deal, Kurosaki."

"Ass." This made Grimmjow’s mouth curl into a wicked grin, blue eyes electric and focused solely on him. Ichigo already knew that face was gonna be worth any potentially shitty housing. He kind of wanted to tangle their fingers together, but he supposed he could wait until the feeling returned in his hands. Speaking of. 

"Now help me up already, I think one of my organs are leaking."

"It’s definitely more than one," Grimmjow replied, slowly getting to his feet with minimal groaning and grimacing. A warm hand clasped Ichigo’s own. 

"Oh, great. Let’s go home." And then they did just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy fuck thats it. at least for now. ~~i feel like i might someday add a pointless porn chapter for when their broken bodies have healed and grimmjow is ready to have 359248032490 orgasms in his gigai~~
> 
> writing such a long, expositiony dialogue scene with someone like grimmjow was harrowing and i feel like the series changed a lot along the way, but 🤷 🤷 🤷 sleep deprived me is currently proud to have finished my first fanfic series! 
> 
> so i guess just thanks for coming along for the ride and feedback is much appreciated <3


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